Subway Pet Peeves

We ride the subway every day, and while it is a good way to get around town, there are some issues with people on the trains that drive me batty. And 2 of those issues happened to me today within about 5 minutes as I was headed home from work.





So consider this kind of a PSA about subway etiquette....I'm sure I'll be adding to it throughout the days and months, but lets start with these two.





1. I don't need to hear your conversation. Do you hear me, LaQualia (common spelling)? Here I am, sitting down, trying to listen to The All-American Rejects on my iPod, but no, I've got LaQualia complaining to her ghetto-ass friends about how Rodney was fronting on someone's sista last night outside The Quail or something...and she's gotta be nice and loud so we can all hear about her struggles with her man and how if Shaqwana (common spelling) keeps working her patience, she's gonna have to slap her "n-word face."





Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!?! Shut up....shut up LaQualia. No one cares, and no one wants to hear it. Also, no one wants to look at your gold tooth, but thats a whole other complaint.






2. Since I get off work between 6 and 63opm every day, the A train is usually crowded with folks heading home and its very hard to get a seat as we make our way up town. I get on at 59th Street..the stops that follow are 125th, 145th, 168th, 175th, 181st, 190th, 200th, and finally 207th, where I get off. So when I get on the train, I usually go stand in the middle and angle myself to where I will be able to get a seat after the first couple of stops.





Now I like to think my mother raised me right, and 99.9 percent of the time if there's someone also waiting for the seat that probably could use it more than I, I'm more than happy to cede it to them. I'll even get up from my chair if someone who needs a seat gets on after I've snagged one.





But here's the deal. Here's who, in my mind, deserves a seat more than me after a hard day's work.



1. an elderly person

2. a pregnant woman

3. a child under the age of 6 who wants to sit next to their parent





That's it. That's the list. And I'll tell you, I've had many a daggering glance thrown at me by young women after I've stepped in front of them or around them to grab a seat instead of them.



Here's the deal ladies, and I mean this in the best way possible. I have all the respect in the world for you. I believe in your right to equal pay. Your right to bear a child, or abort one. You should be treated like a man.






And since I feel you are equal to men, you are genderless in my eyes, therefore, if I get the seat and you don't.....tough shit. Better luck next time. And save me the dirty looks. It's not my fault you weren't quick enough to step around the homeless guy and snag the seat next to the old woman who went crazy with the perfume today and looks as if Protestantism is springing from her womb. You should always get the seat before me. I'm overweight and have a terrible sense of balance sometimes. I'm several small steps away from being about as coordinated as Corky from Life Goes On. So what does that say about your seat-snagging skills that I got the chair?





Back to the drawing board for you, LaQualia (common spelling)





Hugs





Mike