How Low Can You Go...???

Most of my long-time friends, guys like Kevin, Mike and Dave, know that I'm a really competitive person. I don't like to lose at ANYTHING. Kevin and I had Nerf basketball showdowns in our high school years that ended in pushes and shoves...in his parents' living room. On the football field with friends, if my team was losing, I'd bust out my patented "Wiggy tackle" (otherwise known as "grab the guy by the neck and drag him down) out of pure anger at losing a stupid Sunday morning game with friends. Air hockey games...board games...hell, even that NBA Jam Nintendo tournament we held back in early college that ended with Dave somehow sinking a half court shot with Mitch Richmond to beat me in the semis that I'm STILL not over (c'mon Dave, you know you had no business winning that game)....



As you can see...I don't like to lose...I'm the most competitive person I know. And I know a lot of you are asking, "Even more than Katie Neal?" Yes, even more than Katie.. (though to be fair, it was a photo finish.)



I relay this information because this past weekend I sunk about as low as you can possibly go to win at something...all in the name of claiming victory..



This past weekend we spent Saturday and Sunday with Jen's cousins Harvey and Glenda who live in the Hamptons. They are old enough to have grandchildren, and their daughter and her kids stayed at the house as well, so it was a good ol' family get together.



Jen and I had never met Harvey and Glenda's daughter Amy or her kids...14-year-old Graham and 10-year-old Emmitt...


Emmitt (otherwise known as "the victim")





Once we got there...Emmitt asked me if I played tennis. Yeah, but not in a long while, I told him. Well, he really wanted to play (10 year olds have a ton of energy) so with a borrowed racket and some borrowed sneakers from Harvey...Jen and Amy dropped Emmitt and I off at the public tennis courts for an hour or so...



Now, the whole ride over there, and for at least an hour before we got there...I proceeded to hear from Emmitt about how great he was at tennis.. How he had an "unreturnable" serve, how he played all the time and was really good, and on and on and on...



So when we got there, we warmed up a bit, and I said I'd let him serve...but then I said the words that caused the title of this blog post.



"Alright Emmitt, your serve, but be careful...I wouldn't want you to serve it into the net on your first shot...that'd sure be a bad sign..."



That's right...mind games on a 10-year-old...and, of course, it worked...he was a disaster after that. First serves into the net. After that, I made him run all over the place...when he backed up, I dinked shots in front of him...when I needed a point to keep him from winning even one game...I unleashed a fairly hard serve that he'd never be able to return...if he came in close, I'd hit a shot way up in the air over his head...etc.



The first set went quickly...6-love me...he didn't win a game. I wouldn't let him...this was tough love baby! And as it went on, and his frustration grew, he started complaining that the wind was screwing up his shots, and I was lucky and such...



Well, that just wanted to make me win more...now I wanted to shut him out completely!



Again, 10-years-old...



Unfortunately (fortunately?) my lack of conditioning caught up with me, and he actually took two games from me in the second set when I eased up a bit. But the final score? 6-0 6-2 for the supposedly mature 31 year old...



Of course, I had to talk trash afterwards, asking Emmitt where his unreturnable serve had gone, and I hoped to play him again after he found it...he took it all in good humour, but I'm sure quietly, the kid is plotting my demise..



So there you have it...for those of you who thought I couldn't sink any further than playing mind games with my wife at the bowling alley when she was about to beat my score...there it is...annihilating a 10-year-old on the tennis court...



I'm going to make a wonderful father...



Mike